The Chronicles of Chris Miao: Part Five

Act One Scene Four

by Yanghan and Edna

[Enter the Supertroopers outside the HOD Room]

The Superhunk: I can’t believe that I got into trouble with Terror Tan for not wearing a belt.

The Duchess: But I’ve told you so many times before that you will someday get into serious trouble for not abiding by the school’s dress code.

001.5: You know, from my experience with TCB, I wouldn’t be surprised if she made you run into Terror Tan on purpose while chasing after her.

001: 001.25, have you booked the air tickets?

001.25: Of course. SIA Business Class to Manchester, and it leaves in five  hours time.

001: Good job, 001.25. And what about you, my lovely twin?

001.5: Ah? You mean our stuff? They should already be on their way to Manchester right now.

The Superhunk: Did you pack my dumbbells in as well? I have to remain as buff even when I’m on a mission, you know.

001: There are always the English gyms that you can go to when you are on the mission. Now, let us go and see H for further vital information.

[Enter H]

001: Hello, my dear!  We are now ready to receive instructions regarding the coordination of the team for our latest mission.

H: Fantastic. Firstly, you all be going to UK under the disguise of a school trip. As such, it would be necessary for all of you to don blazers while leaving Singapore.

001.25: What! But the school blazers are simply hideous. How can we go on board the plane in such ill-fitting maroon shit? Our reputation is at stake!

H: You have no other choice. Either you do this, or you can forget about going with the team to UK.

The Duchess: Now now now, chill my subjects.

001: H, are we going to get any extra gadgets for this mission? I believe that we would be fighting against a LMW that has the ability to teleport at will.

The Superhunk: And what are our specific roles going to be?

H: I have received updates that LMW has deployed Horny Harris back to the UK to rally the support of those that have defected over to the Luncheon Camp. Troopers, I will require you to stop him at all costs.

The Duchess: That sounds just like the job for me. It’s going to be payback time, Horny Harris.

001.25: What are you going to do, your Royal Highness? Burn down his warehouses of horny Literature texts?

The Duchess: We’ll see. Muahaha.

H: Also, as Chris might have told you earlier, I need to know more about the dealings and activities of the Luncheon Meat Woman and her followers in Europe. You will receive more instructions on that upon touchdown in Manchester.

001.5: Oh yes! Manchester, here I come. I’ll hunt down my Jonny Evans at all costs as well.

H: Time is tight, and we have to press on. I have something to show you, Troopers. Hopefully, this will greatly aid you in your mission. Chiabby!

[Enter Chiabby, with his hands full]

Chiabby: Yes!!!

The Superhunk: Oh dear, why are you here? Are you one of us?

001.5: Ya, didn’t I make you just a cameo in our chronicles?

Chiabby: Yes!!! Troopers, I’m the modern-age Alpha and I’m here to give you your crystals.

The Duchess: Crystals?

001.5: Alpha?

Chiabby: Yes!!!

Tosses crystals to the team. 001′s crystal falls to the ground as he stretches out to catch it.

001: Arrgh! Sorry I missed!

[Enter Mr McKee]

Mr McKee: Oi, can catch properly or not?

H: Just who exactly told you you were allowed in here? Get out!

Mr McKee: Hurhur.

[Exits]

001: Good riddance! Snorts. Hmm, my crystal is all red and the insides seem to be moving about.

He holds the crystal and looks intensely at it. The crystal swoops into his eyes all of a sudden.

001: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! What’s happening to me??

The Superhunk: He’s SPASMING!

001.25 and 001.5: A-Q-U-I-Aqui-Aquila! A-Q-U-I-Aqui-Aquila!

The Duchess: Shut up the both of you.

H: Chris, how do you feel?

001: Funkehfresh! Look at this!

He squints at Chiabby.

Chiabby: OI don’t zap me!

All (except Chiabby, 001 and H): Ooooooh.

001.25: What’s mine, what’s mine? Should I hold it close to my eyes as well?

Holds silver crystal to eyes and waits.

oo1.25: Nothing’s happening! Why like that?

The Duchess: Maybe the crystal decided that being the Superbitch is enough of a super power for you?

001.25: What? That is so unfair!

He bangs the fist he holds his crystal in on the table. It sinks right through the wood.

001: OMIGOD! Eww did you just like squish your hand in? Yuck!

001.25: I dunno. Look, I can take it out too!

The Superhunk: Do you think you could walk through walls?

The Duchess: I hope not, or he’ll be sinking into the table when he falls asleep during the Luncheon Meat Woman’s lesson in the future!

001.25: Let me try.

He runs straight into Chiabby.

Chiabby: I am not your lab specimen!

He runs straight through him.

001.5: Whoa. Now no one can ever mess up your hair!

001.25: Not only that! I get to go shopping without anyone obstructing me! Yipee!

The Duchess: Yeah, but you’ll swipe thin air when trying to hug Shannon. Sniggers.

001: Snorts. What the the rest of you get?

The Superhunk: Wait wait wait wait, my turn first! Do you think I’ll get the power of supercharm? Like, so I can make TCB fall for me?

001.5: God save him please.

The Superhunk holds up blue jewel in his palm.

The Superhunk: Oh look, it’s morphing! What is this?

001: That’s a miniature figure. It looks like…

The Superhunk: ME! Oh my gosh! It’s morphing again! It’s turned into TCB!

He hugs the figurine.

001.5: Eww. Please don’t do that in front of — OMG. Pip, what have you done?

001: He’s transformed into TCB!

The Superhunk (as TCB): It’s just me, people, ME! But, I just morphed!

The Duchess: Even your voice sounds like her!

The Superhunk (as TCB): Now I can carry out my double agent duties even more convincingly!

001.25: Okay, try shape shifting into the Luncheon Meat Woman.

The Superhunk: Eeee don’t want! She’s so ugly! Why would I even want to be her?

001.5: Well, you’ve got to make sacrifices for the team some day, you know that.

The Superhunk: That’s just going to ruin all my gym work.

H: Okay, enough self-admiration now. 001.5, look at yours.

001.5 looks at pink jewel.

001.25: It just HAD to be pink, right, Toto?

001.5: But of course.

The jewel dissolves as 001.5 puts it close to her eyes.

001: OMG it’s almost like what happened to me! We ARE twins!

001.25: So what’s your power?

Chiabby: OI! Why am I floating?!

001.25: Oh. Now I see!

001.5: This is fun! Should I let him down?

Chiabby: Yes!!!

001.5: Okay.

Chiabby drops to the ground with a crash.

Chiabby: Ai-yai-yai-yai-yai!

001.5: Telekinesis. I like!

001: You’ll definitely be in the tennis team like that la. Anyhow smack also will go in right?

The Superhunk (to the Duchess): Eh, it’s your turn.

The Duchess: It’s ‘Your Royal Highness’ to you! Or I’m going to get so pissed.

Thunder rumbles outside.

001: Eek. Wasn’t it just scorching a few moments ago?

001.5: Hey, where’s your purple jewel?

The Duchess: It’s YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS!

It starts to thunderstorm.

001.25: Oh I know! She’s got the power to control the weather! When she’s pissed, it rains! It’s just like Storm of X-Men!

H: I was just waiting for you all to come to that.

001: What do you mean, my dear?

H: These crystals were formed a long time ago, when the legendary X-Men of the past lost their powers in a battle. 002 and I found them in Arraland, just before the Luncheon Meat Woman got to them. As you can see, she managed to nick Nightcrawler’s powers, along with some others. But the important ones, we found.

001: Mummy Ver knows about this?

H: Of course. It was she who suggested I pass these to you.

The Superhunk: So this makes us the S-Men!

001.5: Technically, S-Women.

00.125: Oh so I get it. Chris, you possess Cyclops’s optic beams; Toto, you’ve got Jean Grey’s powers; Pip, you’ll be shape-shifting like Mystique, her Royal Highness is Storm, and I must be Shadowcat!

001: But I’M Miao!

001.25: Too bad. Hahaha you and 001.5 were married in your past lives!

001: HEY! Excuse me lor! That makes you and Luncheon Meat Woman…

001.25: Oi! Stop it okay!

The Duchess: Yeah, you’ll make Shannon jealous.

H: Okay Troopers, so here it is. Now that you’ve received your new superpowers, I have a few reminders for you.

001: ‘With great power comes great responsibility’…

H: Please let me speak, Chris.

001: Orh, sorry! Heh.

H: But yes, he is right.There are a few rules.  You are to use your powers only for defence. You must never start a fight with the followers if it can be avoided. You must use your powers for good only.

001.5: This is a dream come true. It’s like Power Rangers and X-Men put together. And I’m still gonna see Jonny Evans!

H: Okay Troopers, it’s about time you get moving! Take a bus outside. You must keep a low profile at all times, do you understand?

Chiabby: YES!!

H: I said Troopers.

Chiabby: Oh. =(

[Exit all]

Stay tuned for Act Two in the Chronicles of Chris Miao Part Six!